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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



BREVITY 



Ve^A^. f (CCl>u<^ DAVIS 




BROADWAY PUBLISHING CO. 

835 Broadway, New York 
1913 






Copyright, 1914 
BY 

J. Patrick Davis 



FEB 3 1S14 



1/ 

>CI.A362427 



KNOWLEDGE. 

That there is nothing new under the sun is in- 
deed an eternal truth for all our worlds past, pres- 
ent and future knowledge may be crowned with one 
hundred simple and proper words. 



To THE Editor: — ■ 

Insanity — is a prolonged departure from good old- 
fashioned common sense. 

Madness — is a hereditary and incurable disease of 
the nervous system. 

Delusions — are caused by the vapors from various 
diseases. 

Paranoia — is a word without a reality. 

Monomania — is a term under which eccentric per- 
sons belong when they do not appreciate their 
proper places in life until the course of human 
events calls for the practice of their hobbies. 

Mania — is caused by subnormal or abnormal grati- 
fication of the appetites. 

Paresis — is a too long neglected disease of the blood. 

Dementia — is the last stage of real madness. 

The reality of the word responsibility should ever 

be identified with the law of a land, the strength of 

mind should be judged from the strength of mem- 
ory in this our world's diamond age. 



4 



To THE Editor: — 

Having to wait twenty-two minutes for a train to 
a " Town beautiful " I was tempted in the meantme 
to " take in " one of those moving picture shows 
and in just seventeen minutes the following " af- 
fairs " were shown : 

Three foolish women running away from and 
returning to their " easy " husbands ; One white 
man killing 479 Indians to save his " loved 
one ; " " A village of ' old maids ' at bed time ; " 
" Sound and normal persons being railroaded to 
and held in madhouses by unsound and abnor- 
mal degenerates ; " " High-toned people starv- 
ing themselves for the sake of fashions; 
" Retribution of the ill-minded," and so on. 
I reflected " catching the limited " that some 

folks might well wait until they could afford the 
price of admission to a proper show. 



To THE Editor: — 

Uncle Sam should try to buy Canada, — for this 
great part of America will be as logically essential 
to his future's contentment as will be the harmony 
of local and State laws in the future's one nation 
Cosmopolitan U. S. A. 



6 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
the charity dependents of the various states be 
transferred — and properly treated by persons natu- 
rally qualified to do the same — to federal reserva- 
tion pavilions on farms for the economical and gen- 
eral welfare of the country. 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that the 
ventilation at present in railway cars is unheal thful. 
In fact the temperature of the same need not vary 
more or less than ten degrees from sixty, and ther- 
mometers are necessary for this purpose in all public 
carriages. 



8 



To THE Editor: — 

How many of us could properly identify our own 
money in case we should lose it? In fact, it would 
not in the least inconvenience even the most careful 
to note the numbers and dates on currency. 



To THE Editor: — 

The gentlemen who are condemning dive-music, 
moving picture shows and vile postcards are cer- 
tainly doing some real '* uplift " work for the gen- 
eral welfare of their less fortunate fellow human 
beings. How persons of supposed culture, grace of 
body and of mind could so long tolerate things 
originating in the minds of degenerates indeed sug- 
gests the need of a National board of moral Censor- 
ship. 



10 



To THE Editor: — 

The advantages and disadvantages of municipal 
ownership are as a pkicked or unplucked peacock — 
personal or general — and as an ideal condition in 
practice would ultimately become one of the best 
systems ever conceived by normal men. 



II 



To THE Editor : — 

It seems most lamentable indeed that certain 
writers, cartoonists and, disappointed office seekers 
should be allowed to make a public display of their 
disrespect for the president of a country. Where is 
their intellect, proper taste or even common sense 
displayed in setting themselves up as judges of a 
great nation's president? 



12 



To THE Editor: — 

The periodical railroad ordinances sound like 
" artificial persons' " jokes, and their logical an- 
swers are — no seats, no fares. 



13 



To THE Editor: — 

It is about time for the railroad directors to order 
new stations for their local lines, as the fact has 
long been obvious that the present excuses badly 
effect the interests of property owners, the public's 
and even their own, and that most of these stations 
are far behind these times. 



14 



To THE Editor: — 

The boards of health and scientific investigators 
should inspect the stuff cooked and served as food 
in the " coffee houses " of these times. For were 
the owners of such places incorporated with dis- 
reputable undertakers and physicians in a sort of an 
" uplift movement " they could not be more enter- 
prising. 



15 



To THE Editor: — 

The accounts of flights through the air recall our 
boyish readings of Frank Reade and his airships. 
How far more interesting indeed would be the news 
that mechanics, civil engineers, meteorologists and 
aviators had established an international club fof 
the purpose of effecting, as soon as may be, the 
actual crossing of the Earth's oceans for the general 
welfare of humanity. 



i6 



To THE Editor: — 

The great amounts of money turned over at pres- 
ent for snobby studies in the public schools might 
well be used in a thousand different ways to better 
advantage, for the fact is obvious that this age is 
calling for systematic manual, art and business edu- 
cations. The learned professions, of course, should 
ever be identified with normal ambitions and natural 
abilities. 



17 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to say through your newspaper, that the 
work of women has become as important as that of 
men, so they may justly demand proper compensa- 
tion for their own welfare. 



i8 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that the 
president should be ahowed to appoint and dis- 
charge national boards of institutional inspectors. 
For the fact is obvious that millions of dollars have 
been wasted and grafted through the ill-management 
of County, general, and State Institutions for de- 
pendents. The cause of such a lamentable loss of 
money may be traced to the doors of ill-empowered 
politicians. The noble stream of charity for real 
and worthy dependents should never be allowed to 
rise or fall in politics, but be ever identified among 
the ideal sentiments of mankind. 



19 



To THE Editor: — 

Could I but have my way 

A corker I would be, 
I'd never let folks souse themselves 

While on this world's blue sea. 
^hey might flirt and rag a bit 

And a good story tell, 
But when they'd try to souse themselves 

They surely would taste hell. 



20 



To THE Editor: — 

You may be pleased to learn that Uncle Sam 
hands out the following amounts of money annually 
for the proper care of unfortunates: 



For 

2,500 Almshouses 
15,000 Various hospitals 
300 Insane Asylums 
1,300 Prisons 

42 Retreats for deaf, 
dumb and blind 



19,142 
Institutions 



No of 

Inmates Amounts 

1 00,000 — $20,000,000 

Indefinite — 30,000,000 

300,000 — 20,000,000 

60,000 — 13,000,000 

160,000 — 5,000,000 



620,000 $88,000,000 
Inmates Total amount 



The United States is certainly very considerate of 
this weakness of its strength and cannot at present 
think of using chloroform as a cure for the same. 



21 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
up-to-date and clean-cut schools in citizenship be es- 
tablished throughout the country. As the fact is 
obvious that most men do not know nor understand 
what they vote for during the primary and presi- 
dential elections, and this accounts for much of the 
dissatisfaction about affairs local and National. 



22 



To THE Editor : — 

This government might at least for its own in- 
terest transfer all male and female tramps, willful 
and unwillful idlers, according to their individual 
temperaments, to various mental and physical occu- 
pations for the government in the Western States. 
For such an act, if properly executed, occasionally 
would, I am sure, very soon result in more National 
and real prosperity for this country. 



23 



To THE Editor: — 

The new law regarding marriages in New Jersey- 
is full of senseless flaws and morally dangerous, for 
the fact is obvious that the practice of this same law 
will but make common law marriages inviting, 
" smart," " classy," and popular instead of preserv- 
ing the most sacred agreement ever subject to the 
noble le.v non script a of mankind. 



24 



To THE Editor: — 

A national college of memory should be estab- 
lished in every State and capital of the Earth. The 
benefits to be derived from the various sources of 
study — according to the individual temperaments of 
prospective students in such institutions would, of 
course, show mentally, morally and physically in the 
harmony of mankind of the future. 



25 



To THE Editor: — 

It is about time the lawmakers turned out some 
flawless work for the general welfare of humanity. 
I would, through your newspaper, suggest as a 
starter that a law be passed abolishing the present 
most lamentable necessity for young women — the 
future mothers of men — slaving the best parts of 
their lives away in factories, shops and offices of 
congested cities while they might with laws to this 
effect, be cultivating various kinds of farms and gar- 
dens for the government. 



26 



To THE Editor: — 

The shelterless, dirty and useless benches in the 
parks might well be changed for sheltering, clean 
and useful seats around trees of these beautiful re- 
laxation and recreation places for the people. 



27 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to say through your excellent news- 
paper that something should be done with that cer- 
tain class of business people who persist in using 
the names and photo-cuts of Lincoln and Washing- 
ton on clothes, watches, tobacco, pipes, writing ma- 
terials, breakfast foods, books and so on, for sale. 
Such persons should be taught enough proper taste 
and business sense to hold the names of Washing- 
ton and Lincoln as the most sacred of any in this 
nation. 



28 



To THE Editor: — 

The new law regarding automobile drivers in 
New York is certainly good enough, if properly en- 
forced, to be adopted by all the States. In fact the 
time has arrived to bring wild drivers of all kinds 
back to where they normally belong in life for the 
general security of the public. 



29 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
all dogs excepting pet bow-wows, receive a per 
petual vacation from well-protected villages, towns 
and cities, and be sent to where they originally be- 
long in life — the ill-protected country parts of 
nations. 



30 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that the 
physical and mental culturists who are trying to 
have general laws passed in harmony with their 
own ideas need to be shown that the human race has 
well existed, with and without such up to dateness, 
millions of years and is better off now than it ever 
has been. 



31 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that too 
much noise is heard nowadays from agitators and 
disappointed office-seekers who have had httle to 
recommend them beyond their own past mugwump- 
ing weather-cocking, burlesque heroism, idleness, 
and big words under the term, " National Progres- 
sive Party." The fact is obvious that the reality of 
the word reform has become hypocrisy. May real 
heroes arise when circumstances call them, but may 
there ever be normal men controlling official affairs 
in times of peace! 



32 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
something be done with the hoodlums, " up-to-date 
guys," and " classy ginks," who jog through the 
streets at all hours whistling and yelling out the 
" latest " dive tunes of the day. 



33 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish that some reflective reader of your news- 
paper would inform me whence most professional 
people of these times get their ethics and manners. 
Are the same natural or acquired? That university 
degrees are freely granted to those who have not 
even acquired ethics is as much a pity as is the fact 
that the people nowadays do not properly appreciate 
culture's foundation, good old-fashioned manners! 
In fact ethics and manners have become " humbly 
vulgar," and it is certainly about time for us to class 
them as exalted and correct for there can be dis- 
played about a human being nothing else so beau- 
tiful. 



34 



To THE Editor : — 

The periodical complaints in newspapers about 
the street car service in this world's greatest city 
are most amusingly absurd for persons who have 
been more than a thousand miles away from Herald 
Square know that New York is the model and leader 
in street car public service as it is easily in every- 
thing else. In fact it is a pity that the street railway 
directors of all Towns and Cities in the Union do 
not, with special inducements, hire experienced rail- 
way men from Manhattan Isle for the proper regu- 
lation and management of their street railways. 
The '' Public be pleased " should indeed be ever the 
desk motto of logical and normal gentlemen even 
outside of our world's metropolis. 



35 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that most 
of the " popular " songs pubHshed nowadays are 
most indecent and should, therefore, for the sake 
of moral harmony in folks be condemned. 



36 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
the individuals who are so wrapped up in them- 
selves as to be constantly adjusting their clothes, 
nails, hair, shoe strings, etc., in public be laughed 
out of themselves for the sake of common sense. 



37 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to suggest through your newspaper that 
the old gaps in the coypright law be filled by clauses 
requiring all applicants for registration to appear 
before notaries and sign statements properly cover- 
ing, the main outlines of their compositions for pub- 
lication, and that copies of such affidavits be sent to 
and filed by the librarians of Congress until these 
gentlemen receive the printed and published matter 
for full copyright. 

All publications should be legally stamped and 
numbered for the protection of authors and pub- 
lishers. 



38 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that the 
National census officials should be ordered to send 
copies of citizens' histories and careers to every 
public library in the Union. As the city directories 
at present are more useless than useful when it is 
necessary to find out for business and social pur- 
poses who, where, and what citizens are in life. 



39 



To THE Editor: — 

Too much care cannot be exercised in appointing 
superintendents and supervisors to general, County, 
and State Institutions as the periodical " affairs " 
arising in such Retreats may generally be traced to 
the fact that incompetent nurses in these places are 
not properly reported and discharged so as to make 
room for persons who are naturally qualified to take 
proper care of the really sick, helpless, and aged 
in life. 



40 



To THE Editor: — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that the 
great National conservators and their friends should 
be careful enough not to get lost, as Americans can- 
not afford to be without such examples of heroism, 
personal harmony and common sense in life. 



41 



To THE Editor : — 

I wish to say through your newspaper that there 
are too many persons nowadays believing that all 
drugs and stimulants should be easily obtainable 
without a physican's prescription at every corner 
drug shop. Now, this assumption is most lamen- 
table and too often dangerous, as all human beings 
are even chemically different, and consequently re- 
quire, during their periods of sickness and weak- 
ness, drugs, stimulants, and treatments differing ac- 
cording, therefore, all persons should be guided 
when necessary by the prescriptions from their 
family physician in life. 



42 



To THE Editor: — 

The note from " T. A. " in Saturday's issue of 
your newspaper brings up an interesting subject. In 
fact, real and normal Americans should be cosmo- 
politan in name, language and in actions. 



43 



To THE Editor: — 

The best human germs that appeared in our little 
world may be numbered from the ten tiny fingers of 
a child's hands thusly: 



Moses .... 


Master 


of Religion 


Socrates .... 


(( 


" Logic 


Alexander . . . . 


(( 


" War 


Diogenes . . . 


(( 


" Simplicity 


Christ 


« 


" Manhood 


Alfred .... 


(( 


" Statesmanship 


Angelo .... 


« 


" Art 


Washington . . 


« 


" Liberty 


Taine .... 


(( 


" Literature 


(Reserved) . . 


(( 


" Philosophy 



Life invisible and visible to the intellects of human 
beings exists as spheres of germs ever radiating from 
their own various pressures through definite spaces 
of the Universe. 



44 



To THE Editor: — 

I herewith suggest to the honorable lawmakers 
of this country that the presidents of the National 
colleges of learning be empowered to do the appoint- 
ing of examiners, who are qualified to identify all 
applicants for governmental appointments — as shall 
have been trained systematically and by degrees, ac- 
cording to their individual temperaments, when 
applying and reporting for any government duty as 
may be specified by such examiners under the term — 
Citizens Service. 



45 



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Who?_ Whence? Where? An Essay by Pedro 

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Israel Lo Ammi — Ida M. Nungasser 1 .00 



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The Medical Expert and Other Papers — Louis J. 

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Eureka, a Prose Poem — S. H. Newberry i .00 

Rust (a play in four acts) — Algernon Tassin (of 

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Poems by Charles Guinness i .00 

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Building a New Empire — Nathaniel M. Ayers. . 1.50 

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The Clothespin Brigade — Clara L. Smiley 75 

"Forget It" — Ida Von Claussen i .50 

The Last Word: a Philosophical Essay — James 

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Eight Lands in Eight Weeks (illustrated by 90 
drawings) — Marcia P. Snyder 1 .25 

EHza and Etheldreda in Mexico — Patty Guthrie 
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